Dear Annie: Is it possible to contact old girlfriends?
Dear Annie: When I was an assistant English teacher at age 21 (an âinternâ) in a summer program for high school students in New Hampshire, I developed an interest in one of the students. . She was 18. The relationship was completely chaste. I am not joking. I never touched her, and she never touched me. But we were clearly drawn to each other and spent time chatting outside of class.
That fall, she sent me a news letter in Ohio, where I worked. This included her hope that I remember her. I had to answer her, after breaking up with my longtime girlfriend, because I received a second letter saying that she “would give anything to try a relationship”. I have kept both letters, along with many other letters from my former girlfriend, two male friends, and four other young women.
Fifty years later, I have been happily married for 46 years. Our children are grown up and we are preparing to downsize, that is to say to sort through two shoeboxes of old letters, among other things. I sent one of my male friends a packet of letters he sent me when he was on internship in Europe for a year. I’ll probably do the same with the stack of letters from my roommate in college.
But what about women? The New Hampshire woman has such a distinctive name that I know I can reach out to her on social media and ask if she would like to see her letters. My wife doesn’t disapprove. She knows I’m not trying to rekindle a relationship.
I don’t want to do anything that might sound scary, but I also prefer to avoid double standards. If any of my old girlfriends offered to send me the letters I wrote them decades ago, I would like to walk down the street of nostalgia and then throw my own letters away.
What are you saying? – Travel down the memory lane
Dear Memory Lane: It’s wonderful that your wife doesn’t disapprove and your intentions are the same as you had with your roommate and friend in college, but I would say no. Throw away the letters so you don’t risk rekindling an old romance.
Dear Annie: My husband always punishes me and shows no interest in our relationship. He sleeps on the couch and storms in and argues with me. He says it’s because I drink too much.
Even on days I don’t drink, or times I don’t drink, he still does.
I just want a loving and caring relationship. I realize that my drinking is part of the problem, but I feel like we are in a cycle where he punishes me and I don’t want to change. – Unhappy marriage
Dear Unhappy: The first person you need to start having a loving and caring relationship with is yourself. Once you have that, finding a romantic relationship with your husband will be much easier. Take some time to drink and see if the clarity it gives you changes your relationship. If your husband continues to ignore you and argue with you all the time, it might be time to seek help from a professional marriage counselor.
âHow can I forgive my unfaithful partner? Is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication, and reconciliation – is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected]
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